1. Alone means lonely. – ‘Alone’ doesn’t always mean lonely, and ‘relationship’ doesn’t always mean happy. Being alone will never cause as much loneliness as the wrong relationship. If things don’t feel right, take a break and spend some time with number one – you. Find yourself first. Appreciate your own worth. And next time you’re in a relationship that’s sinking, you’ll be prepared to swim to safety.
2. Happiness comes when you have everything you want. – To be happy doesn’t mean you don’t desire more, it means you’re thankful for what you have and patient for what’s yet to come. Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to accomplish something big, that we fail to notice the little things that give life its magic. So appreciate today for all it’s worth. These are the good old days you’re going to miss in the years ahead. ReadStumbling on Happiness.
3. Pain is something you can see. – Never underestimate the pain of a person, because in all honesty, everyone is struggling. Some people arejust better at hiding it than others. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Passing judgment is an unnecessary waste of time and energy. If you have time to judge other people, you have way too much time on your hands. Get off your behind and do something meaningful.
4. Life is supposed to be a certain way. – It is ultimately only our own thoughts that hurt us. Simply feeling what we are feeling, and dealing with it honestly, can be very healing. We always have the freedom to choose how we wish to respond to whatever life presents to us. Let go of how you thought your life should be, and embrace the real life that is trying to work its way into your consciousness. Change what you can change, change your thoughts about what you can’t change, and move on in peace.
5. You are supposed to be a certain way. – When you stop comparing yourself with other versions of yourself, real or imagined; and when you stop comparing yourself with other people, real or imagined; that is when you taste a peace that is real, not imagined. Read The Road Less Traveled.
1. When you wake up in a fit, thinking that you missed your alarm, and then look over at your clock and realize you just woke yourself up too early and can still go back to sleep for a little bit.
2. Actually having time to eat a decent breakfast in the morning, and having something really good like fruit salad or Greek yogurt with granola (the food of a true adult).
3. When you buy something delicious for yourself at the grocery store and forget about it, only to stumble on it in your cabinet and hi-five your previous self for having the foresight to buy Toaster Strudels.
4. Getting a seat on the subway and therefore not having to spend your commute pressed into some man’s armpit as the car slams to a halt at each station.
5. That ~30 minute period where the caffeine in your body is making you just alert enough to fully enjoy the day, and not that tweaky, stomach-turning feeling after you’ve had too much.
6. Knowing all day that when you go home, there is going to be a big takeout box of leftovers waiting for you.
7. Seeing a dog while out that is just really friendly and chill and okay with strangers petting it, and not one of those mean, skittish dogs where you’re just kind of like “Why do you bring this thing outside when it so clearly hates society?”
8. Passing by a public park and catching a few minutes of a basketball game going on amongst some neighbors.
9. Finding a reaction GIF that perfectly encapsulates your complex emotions about Channing Tatum’s stomach.
10. A marathon of your favorite show being on when you’re sick, which is somehow more effective than NyQuil or chicken noodle soup when it comes to healing a ravaged soul.
A smart girl would have run the other way; but frankly, I don’t know whether I’m smart or foolish at this point.
I’m attracted to the charity cases. The men who are having a rough go of things; the ones who are perhaps a little jaded, but who need someone that’s not going to give up on them. I’ve been told by close friends that there are just some hopeless cases out there who don’t want to, and thus never will, change. But change is a funny thing.
To change is a verb. It’s a decision. It’s an action that must be carried out by the person intending to change.
But some of us are just so set in our ways that even wanting to change is like a declaration of war: the conscious mind and the heart together on the eastern front, habits and fears dominating on the western front. It’s an impossible battle. One that, in some cases can take a lifetime.
Fortunately, the presence of a single outside party can be the difference between winning that battle now, or winning it years from now. A shoulder, a late night phone call, a few reassuring words, are sometimes enough. Because when it comes down to it, almost all we wish to change are the things we don’t like about ourselves; our insecurities. In the end it’s just a matter of confidence. And when someone else believes in us, suddenly we have the support to take on our personal challenges. And triumph!
Life is really all about the little things. There are so many small accomplishments, and tiny comforts throughout any given day. A hearty, homemade lunch packed to take to work; a made bed; an financially savvy decision… These are all little things that add up. So be proud of yourself for all the little things you do in a day; little things that maybe don’t mean much to anyone else, but things that make you happy. For me, these are things like:
cooking a healthy, tasty meal
organizing a drawer that was overflowing with crap
putting hot water in my mug to heat up the ceramic before pouring my tea; that way I have a nice warm mug to hold
These little things may mean nothing to anyone except for myself, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. These little things make me happy; they make me proud. And although big accomplishments are fantastic, they don’t happen every day. That’s why we need to relish in the small things. It’s the little things that keep us going.
Our lives are made up of moments; like a collage of snapshots, capturing a vast array of emotions and experiences, both exceptional and unfortunate. Although we cannot always control our circumstances, we can control our reactions and outlooks. So make your moments count for something.
Maybe it’s not letting someone love me that’s the issue. Maybe I’m not frightened of having someone care about me. I think I’m scared of what I’m capable of in terms of love. Suddenly, I see how much I can love. And that freaks me out.
At least when I love someone who doesn’t love me back, there’s a limit. There are barriers, which don’t allow me to love to the fullest extent I can. I don’t know how much I can love.
So maybe I’m not scared of what I thought… maybe I’m not scared at all.
It’s a very comforting thought.
Maybe I’m not scared at all… :)
Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping … waiting … and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir … open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us … guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love … the clarity of hatred … the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we’d know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we’d be truly dead.
The past isn’t a good thing to hang onto. Because when you hang onto the past, it tends to give you ideas and expectations for the future.
The thing about the past is that you can’t change it. It happened. And whether it was amazing or horrible, that’s the way it was. But it is no more. The past will never be the reality of the present. This is great news when it comes to the crappy times we all have dealt with at some point or another. Everyone, should let out a little cheer; those situations will never happen again exactly as they once did. We have, hopefully, learned from our hardships and we will never make the same mistakes again. However, those life experiences will never leave us; they will always hold sway with us.
Many great thinkers have said that our past does not need to dictate our future. Whenever we hear this, we all think to the bad things we have experienced and say to ourselves, “I won’t let myself be jaded as a result of what I have dealt with.” But we never seem to think about the great things we experience. What about the time you made a new friend? What about the time you first realized you had fallen in love with someone? Those magical moments in our lives are never what our minds go to. But perhaps they should…
Great memories are just as guilty of stealing our present as our negative memories. If we hang on to ideas generated from positive situations, relationships, and experiences in the past, we are too focused on what we want to happen in the future. We miss what is going on in the present. I’ll use myself as an example. I have spent too much time looking back on the beginning of a friendship; it was fantastic, it was almost like a love. I have been hanging onto the idea that this one friend is the man I am going to marry. Whether that is true or not, I won’t know for some time. But the problem with my hanging onto this idea is that I am oblivious to other opportunities presented to me right NOW.
This aforementioned friend of mine has, on many occasions, told me that you never know what is going to happen in the future. As much as we may have an idea of what we want to happen in our lives, there are so many factors over which we have no control. The only thing we can really do is live right here, right now. We need to remember the good times fondly, and learn from our hardships, but we must not hold tightly to either. Otherwise we might miss out on the world, as it is right now.
“Don’t let the past steal your present” – Cherralea Morgen
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others’ hearts. You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.
“It’s possible to forget how alive we really are. We can become dry and tired, just existing, instead of really living. We need to remind ourselves of the juice of life, and make that a habit. Find those places inside that jump for joy, and do things.”—(via taylorcthomas)
How many times have you walked away from a moment wishing you had said or done something you were too shy or scared to say? It’s happened to me more times than I can count, and I know I’m not alone in that.
Yes there’s always the fear of rejection, or confrontation… but how will you know unless you say something? People aren’t mind readers, as much as we may want them to be at times. Guys will often overlook subtle hints girls drop. Hell, girls don’t always pick up on subtleties. People have way too much going on in their lives to pay attention to minor details. If you want to be heard, you need to say what you mean.
If you have feelings for someone, tell them. Tell them how you feel, then tell them what you would like to see happen. Yes there’s that fear of rejection, but how will you know if you don’t try?
If you want to have a one night stand with a guy you meet at a bar, suggest it. If you don’t say it, there is a chance that he may not either.
If you want a friends-with-benefits type situation with someone you work with, you’ll have to suggest it.
Forget being bashful, and do away with the subtleties. You have to voice what you want, and how you feel. You can’t always wait for life to come to you, because the opportune moment may never come. You have to create your own opportunities in life. Make things happen; tell people what you want.
Wisdom # 2: People can only care about you if you let them.
People can only care about you if you let them. It is a simple principle, and one that I think my subconscious abuses.
I want to let someone care about me, and I want to care about them in return. But how do I go about doing that when my system shuts down at the first signs of affection? It’s not something I do consciously… It’s a reaction that takes place deep below the surface. It’s like I involuntarily kibosh any possibility of a two-sided love. As far as my psyche is concerned, in order to keep myself safe, I can only love or be loved, not both.
This is illustrated in my romantic history… It’s always the same story: I fall for the guys who have no interest in me, and if a guy falls for me I suddenly have no interest in him anymore. Even if he exceeds my standards, I go into lockdown mode when I find out he cares for me. Clearly, my subconscious is my saboteur.
Maybe I should go see a therapist? Then again, writing is my therapy. Maybe if I hash it all out here on the screen, or on a page in my notebook, then I could work through it. I could untangle the mess of strings that is my heart.
I want to let someone care for me, but I don’t know how to begin.
I’ve been told to take a leap of faith… but that hasn’t worked. I have been advised to “let them in”, or tell them a secret… neither of those have helped. Any suggestions?
I think it might be time to clear my head, for lately there has been much too much to think about. The list of things for me to over-analyze is lengthy, and constantly growing longer. There have been so many ideas, so many comments, so many innuendos just left hanging—suspended in mid-air, as if dangling from the silk thread of a spider’s web.
All of these suspended things are shrouded in a faint glow of hope. As they dangle inside my cranium, they slightly resemble the twinkle lights hung at Christmas time. Their soft, warm glow sometimes leaks into my calm, cool, and collected air. For a moment, I’ll get caught with a peculiar expression on my face; an expression that fuzes longing with bliss, restlessness with patience, and hope with downheartedness. But it will leave as quickly as it appeared. So quickly, in fact, that I would fail to realize it made an appearance at all, were it not for the the warmth that accompanies it.
This warmth is the kind that envelops the heart. It’s the way you feel on a Sunday morning when you lay in bed as the sun climbs into the sky, and you know the whole day is yours for the wasting. It’s sitting in front of a crackling fire with a good book, a warm blanket, and an enormous mug of hot chocolate. It’s a big bear hug. It’s home.
But nothing is eternal. Eventually, that feeling begins to dissipate. It’s as if the warmth grows legs and wanders away from me, taking with it the glow of hope. At that point, I can only attempt to cling to each individual promise of possibility as it moves farther and farther from the moment I’m living.
At a distance, the glow of hope—that once resembled twinkle lights—begins to look more like light pollution from a distant city.
I’m a fixer. I am constantly overcome by the compulsion to “fix” something, or “help” someone. I’m drawn to the people and things who I feel need my help. Sometimes that’s a good thing. Sometimes it’s not. I’ve been told it’s a motherly instinct; the need to protect and nurture. But I frequently find myself wondering if it’s really a good thing?
I had an epiphany tonight. I was thinking about a friend with whom I’ve had a falling out. As is my nature, I have felt—for some time—the need to fix it; the need to repair the damage done. But tonight it hit me: maybe there’s a reason we had this falling out.
I think it’s a great concept but the problem I have is in its realities. I mean, come on… We’re conditioned from an early age, especially us young girls, to believe that love is the one thing everyone should strive to find in life. If you’ve ever watched a disney princess movie, you will understand what I mean. Based on what we’ve learned, we’re supposed to grow up, meet a man, and love him unconditionally. But how often does that actually happen? How often do we find that perfect person? Better yet, how often do we compromise? We constantly have to make compromises in order to fall in love, but as our conditioning has led us to believe, that’s the most important thing in life: love.
While I agree that love is important, I believe that familial love is important, and the love we feel for our friends. But true love? That doesn’t exist.
I don’t believe in true love.
In fact, I watched the Notebook today and at the end of the movie, instead of feeling touched and all warm and fuzzy, I was sad. There was this sinking in my stomach because witnessing a story such as that never happens in real life. In reality we find someone who is good enough, and we settle. That’s life.
Ever since I was a little girl, my Mum has said to me, “treat people the way you want to be treated.” Only recently have I realized how wise my Mum is. It all comes back to the idea that you get what you give. If you want to be respected, then respect others. If you want to be loved and appreciated, you must love and appreciate others. If you want to be treated cruely, treat others with cruelty. What I don’t think people always realize is that they are in complete control of their lives.
You are the culmination of all your decisions. Your decisions determine your experiences. And even the worst experiences mould us for the better, if only we make the conscious choice to learn and grow from everything we experience. It’s the classic glass-half-full versus glass-half-empty discussion. The world really changes depending on how you choose to view it. You can either dance in the rain, or sit inside moping because it isn’t sunny.
Things change. Accidents happen. People make mistakes. You may not be in complete control of the world around you, but you are in control of how you act, what you do, and your outlook.
So next time something isn’t going your way, stop. Stop and ask yourself how this could be construed as positive. Smile. And take life in stride.
You Can Pick Your Friends, You Can Pick Your Nose, But You Can't Pick Your Friend's Nose.
Whether or not we realize it, we pick our friends. Either consciously or subconsciously, we choose the people we spend our time with. I have learned that we need to surround ourselves with people who support us, who appreciate the unique talents and perspectives we have to offer. We need to spend time with people who are kind to us, who are caring, who don’t belittle or demean us. We need to decide to have people in our lives who, at the end of the day, make us feel like a million bucks. We need to surround ourselves in a sea of people who help us to see the value of who we are. And on those days when we think, “Who could possibly handle all of this?” that is when it’s important to look to your kindest, most honest, most valued friends, and realize that those people love you for all your strengths and all your faults. They love you, and value you for everything you are. And that knowlege in itself, can brighten even the darkest of days, can squash even the largest of doubts.
I used to think I was up for anything. I used to think I wanted to try everything. Then I became a legal adult.
Suddenly I am struck by the reality that life has become more than just high school. If I screw up from here on in, it’s not just an adolescent mistake… It could change my life.
I just finished watching Lady Sings the Blues starring Diana Ross as Billie Holiday. Ross plays the part amazingly well, including the highs and the detoxing that were characteristic of Billie. As I watched the credits roll, I was filled with this overwhelming sense of dread. This sense of fear suddenly lodged in the pit of my stomach. It occurred to me that wanting to try everything, including things like drugs, is not a sign of bravery, or spontaneity. It’s a sign of stupidity. It’s an indication of my naiveté.
I no longer want to try everything.
I realize that it’s important to be adventurous, but there’s a definite line between fun and adventure, and idiocy.
I think, the way I viewed drugs before was that they were not a huge deal, they were just part of being a musician. After reading books and bios of musicians I admire, who dealt with serious drug abuse, I thought that was just part of the trade. That may just have been the stupidest thing I have ever taken to believing. Thinking about that mentality now, I am scared that I took such a big issue so lightly. It’s mind blowing in the worst possible way. As my friend Sean would say, “That’s scary shit man.”
It seems to me, that drugs are glamorized in the media and in the stories of legendary artsy types. They add to that “bad girl” or “bad boy” image. That glamor is a facade. The realities of abuse are shoved under the rug so the unexperienced onlooker doesn’t see or understand the ugly side of it. But the ugly side is worse than you could simply imagine. Ask anyone who has dealt with it, or who has had a friend dealing with it. Drugs are one of the worst mistakes you could possibly make with your life.
Drugs are something I realize I never even want to come close to. I don’t want to end up in a situation where I have to even say “no” to such an offer. However, it’s likely something I would encounter in the music industry. Still, as scary as that situation would be, I KNOW I have the strength to decline.
Billie Holiday died at 44 from drug and alcohol complications.
Is that really the kind of story anyone wants to have?
I sit here, with the feeling of dread in my stomach starting to ease. Replacing it is a feeling of security and comfort because I know with absolute certainty, I have the strength to stay away from it. And if I look around at some very talented people whom I greatly admire and look up to, they’ve done extraordinarily well without dangerous things like drugs. If you look at people who have struggled with drug abuse, although some of them may have been legendary, they didn’t have happy or fulfilling lives and they all have a tendency of dying young.
Watching the story of Billie Holiday tonight really brought things back into focus. It affirmed the seriousness of what I didn’t really think of as serious. So I want to say, “Thank you Billie, for setting me straight.”
I just thought I would inform you that I miss you; not who you are, but who you were.
I fell in love with you… with the old you. But I don’t like the new you anymore. You’re different. Worse. Meaner. More unpredictable. Less open, if that’s possible. Less forgiving. You were perfect for me, or so I thought. You know how they say opposites attract? We were the textbook definition of that. Or at least I thought so.
I guess we just missed our time. There’s no do overs, no fifth and sixth and seventh chances. We just missed it. That’s all. And it breaks my heart a little more each time I think about it. I wish it was just as simple to forget you as it was to forget about last night’s homework.
Well I wish I could stay around and endure the ups and downs you throw at me. You’re like my gravity, and I hate it. I just want to be rid of it.
I finally found the strength within myself to say, “That’s it, I’m done.” You don’t know it yet. I haven’t gotten to telling you. All the same, I don’t feel it would make one bit of difference. You forgot about me a long time ago. I wish I was in your position. Unfortunately, it is not so.
Soon I will tell you that I don’t want you around anymore. It’s a one sided love affair. It’s a one sided friendship. It’s not supposed to be a one way street.
With that, I’ll tell you goodbye. If I run into you on the streets of New York, or in downtown Boston one day, I’ll be sure to say, “hi”. But I don’t think I’ll run into you. I don’t think I’ll really ever see you again. Goodbye. I miss you. Goodbye.
Earlier today I couldn’t figure out what to do, how to respond to the silence of a certain someone. It was frustrating, and eating away at my insides so I decided, as all pessimists do, to give up. As part of my ”giving up” I decided to write and this is what came out:
Swing life away. This song is the soundtrack to my entire night. It was the soundtrack to my day. I’m playing it on repeat; hearing the same words, the same melodies over and over and over and over and OVER. Over again until I’ve heard it too many times to care what it says. Over again after that until my brain stops processing it, until my brain starts ignoring it. Then I’ll turn it off. Turn it off, take a few breaths, maybe get a glass of water. Then back on it goes. Back on repeat, repeating the same phrases, the same sentiments. Over and over and over and over and OVER. Over again until it makes my face curl into a scowl, until I snarl under my breath. Over again until it makes my insides tumble, until my stomach starts to feel queasy. Over again until I vomit, until I get sick and tired of remembering what it makes me remember. And then I’ll play it over again one final time. This final repeat acts as punctuation: the period at the end of the sentence. Then I am done with it. I’m done with the idea of swinging life away. Done with being that careless. Done with you. Over you.
So, depressing right? I’ll admit it was not one of my most optimistic moods. But we all have them right? I guess this is just the way I chose to express my negativity. At least it worked… I got it all out and then I went on to have a hilarious night. Luckily that lunacy and depressiveness is out of my system. Hopefully it doesn’t rear its ugly head again for quite some time. Keep your fingers crossed for me. It’s a side of myself I don’t enjoy dealing with and luckily I’m not in the position where I have to deal with it very often. All the same, keep your fingers crossed that this mood stays away for quite some time. :)
I have NO idea how to deal with this. I have never EVER seen this kind of irony in real life before; this is the stuff of movies.
In order to understand the irony of this evening, you need to know the back story. So here it goes…
I dated this guy a couple years ago. He was a fantastic guy, but I broke up with him because things were just moving too fast and I got scared… It was not a good break up for either of us. A while after we broke up (,we’re talking months here,) he started dating this other girl. The two of them are still together but they’ve been having problems in the last few months. I’m not claiming to know any intimate details, I’ve just heard some things through the grape vine. Anyways, he and I have stayed friends-ish. (Like we’ll say “Hi” and have quick conversations, but nothing extensive.) and in November he and I got reacquainted because we were both working on the same event. I fell for him again, and he still has feelings for me. (Or at least that’s the rumor.) The only problem was that he was and still is with his girlfriend. About a month ago, I decided that this is my last chance to be with him because I am moving out of the country in about six months time. So, I wrote a letter to him and personally delivered it. I haven’t heard from him since, with the exception of the hellos in the hallways.
It probably doesn’t help that his girlfriend HATES me. And when I say hates, I mean HATES. If looks could kill I would be dead a thousand times over. She gives me death glares every single time she sees me. I don’t know why she hates me so much, but let me tell you it’s become quite comical. I actually find great joy in her disapproval of me; I like to think of it as my comedic relief. The funniest part is this: I have been nothing but nice to her, with the exception of one drunken late night phone call to my ex. The only reason I can think that she hates me so is that my ex may still have feelings for me. That’s the only thing I can think of.
(If you look back at my earlier posts, they are about him for the most part.)
Now, I don’t know whether this is karma or fate (I prefer to think of it as fate, personally…) but something has made up its mind to intervene. That’s right, my life is the epitome of irony at present.
I went to pick up my little sister from her rock climbing class about an hour ago. She’s been rock climbing competitively for about seven months now, and she got me into climbing four or five months ago. We go climbing together all the time at a local but little known gym. Anyways, when I went to pick her up, I went inside to get her and guess what I found out. My Ex, the object of my current infatuation, started working there three days ago.
I just about had a heart attack. I didn’t see him until I was leaving the gym, and I stopped to say hi on my way out. We had a very brief conversation as he was helping someone get shoes and a harness and such. My heart was going 10’000’000 km/h. I had trouble breathing. I’m still stressing out.
I don’t know whether this is fate or karma, but either way, it’s a bitch.
A type of steak. A sex term. A serious car accident.
I always worry when I’m driving down suburban streets late at night, that some stupid kid will be driving drunk after a party, going way over the speed limit, will run a stop sign and t-bone my car. I think that might just be my biggest automobile related fear.
It scares me because there’s nothing I can do to control it. People drive drunk; it’s a fact.
Yes, everyone from the MADD mothers to the government discourage it, but let’s face it: it still happens. Even though it’s illegal. It still happens. And what can anyone really do to stop it completely? Pretty much nothing. It’s not like you can push a button and everyone will automatically stop driving after they’ve been drinking. If it were that simple, I’m sure about a billion people would have pressed that button time and time again by now. There’s no miraculous solution.
I guess the only way to stop it is to make the small choices: take a friend’s keys away if they’ve been drinking so they don’t drive drunk, call a friend a cab, call yourself a cab, call a sober friend to come pick you up, be the designated driver for a group one night, trade off with friends and take turns being the designated drivers… Making little decisions like these can help save people’s lives. And let’s be honest, no one wants to go to jail for manslaughter. No one wants a death on their conscience. You don’t want to learn a lesson at the expense of someone else’s life.
I know we hear all about the dangers of driving drunk in the news, at schools, at community events, and I don’t want to sound like a broken record. We’ve all heard before, what can and has happened when people drive under the influence. There’s nothing really to say, except for this: Make the right choice—Don’t drive if you’re going to be drinking. I don’t want my car to get t-boned. I think everyone else would feel the same way. I like my life, and I want to keep on enjoying it. Be safe.